1. Clueless Gamer: Conan Reviews "Splinter Cell: Blacklist" With J.Cole

Clueless Gamer: Conan Reviews "Splinter Cell: Blacklist" With J.Cole

Conan reviews the new "Splinter Cell: Blacklist" game with a lot of help from Grammy-nominated, platinum-selling hip-hop recording artist J.Cole.

  • Watch J.Cole's Performance on CONAN: J. Cole "Crooked Smile" 08/13/13
  • Transcript:

    Conan: Today we're getting a sneak peek at a very popular game, splinter cell: black list.
    I want to take this very seriously so I brought in somebody who is a real fan of this particular game, say hello to jay Cole.
    EmEmmy -- no, grammy nominated.
    Not Emmy nominated.
    J Cole: Soon.
    Conan: you don't want an Emmy.
    It's career death.
    I have one.
    J Cole: I played this in college.
    Not this version.
    Conan: it was like two Pacman, older version.
    I sense they're going to start off with a film that tells us a story.
    J Cole: How did you know that?
    Conan: Because every single one of these games starts with a 40-minute film.
    J Cole: This is like the terrorist group.
    Conan: You think America can't find you?
    No need, general.
    You know, I wouldn't have spoken up at that point.
    I would have kept my mouth shut.
    J Cole: Yeah.
    The main character, Sam, that's who you're playing as.
    He's retired, out of the army.
    Conan: they're always retired.
    Why did he retire?
    Wanted his pension?
    J Cole: Tired of being great.
    Game Character: Requesting permission to lift off.
    Conan: these guys, it's such good animation but they're slightly cross-eyed.
    Just a little bit cross-eyed.
    J Cole: Oh!
    Conan: that's it.
    Game over.
    J Cole: The game starts.
    Conan: show me what to do.
    J Cole: Follow your friend.
    I forget his name.
    Conan: look at that.
    A little light went off on his sweater.
    How do I shoot him?
    J Cole: You don't have a gun right now.
    Conan: I don't have a gun?
    Sam fisher went to get terrorists, but he didn't bring a gun, but he brought his little light up sweater.
    J Cole: You need to boost your friend up.
    Press a.
    Get closer.
    Conan: it looks like I'm just sniffing his butt.
    This looks bad.
    I'm just running around.
    How frustrating is it to play with me?
    Be honest.
    Am I like a 2-year-old?
    J Cole: 1 1/2.
    Game Character: All you need to do is disable the voltage oscillator.
    Conan: they're stealing cable.
    They're stealing direct TV cable.
    Who is she?
    Anna Grimdaughter.
    What a terrible last name.
    Did she have a relationship with Sam?
    J Cole: I don't know.
    But judging by the body language and crossed eyes --
    Game Character: Grim.
    Game Character 2: Listen, Sam, we have a lot of work ahead of us.
    I thought we should clear the air.
    Game Character: It's history.
    J Cole: Slapped her down.
    Conan: how long do you think the awkward pause will go on for.
    Conan: you know what he's doing?
    He's thinking about lunch.
    That's how I am.
    That pasta is going to sit with me all day.
    I could have salad and fruit but that won't stick with me late in the afternoon.
    Hey, we're going to go.
    Here we go.
    Benghazi, Libya.
    We're going to get to the safe house and extract this guy.
    What do you think my chances are of accomplishing any of this on my own?
    J Cole: Um --
    Conan: be honest?
    J Cole: Pretty low.
    Conan: higha fellows, what's -- hiya, fellows, what's up.
    I'm going to guess we didn't liberate that guy.
    Unless he got away in the confusion.
    You take over.
    You were much sneakier about going in there you just shot three guys.
    There's laundry.
    You could do laundry.
    If they're going to live there, they should spruce this place up a bit.
    It would take one second to straighten out that rug.
    Is that him?
    Or is this a fraternity initiation?
    Conan: we've established that Cole is very good at this game, I, a little less so.
    My game may improve if we play together.
    You got my back?
    J Cole: I got you.
    Conan: I'd say I have your back but I'm not good at turning around.
    Couldn't a helicopter have dropped us on top of this thing.
    So you did all the work and I'm just like the rock wall at R.
    erment I.
    I'm in some weeds.
    What are you doning?
    You're kill people and I'm just in these weeds.
    How are you?
    J Cole: I'm dead.
    Conan: I wasn't.
    You know why?
    I hid in the weeds.
    Did I help you much as a partner in that situation?
    Be honest.
    J Cole: No.
    I got a song called letting me down, you let Cole down.
    Conan: if we got in that same situation again, I'd hide in the weeds again.
    OK, Cole, splinter cell black list, I thought you played well.
    What did you think of the game?
    J Cole: I liked it.
    Conan: what rating would you give it?
    J Cole: What range?
    Conan: who's your favorite hip-hop star?
    J Cole: Yeah.
    It would be in Tupac range.
    Conan: I'll give it jingle Jangle -- I cannot thank you enough.