1. Marc Maron's Rules Of Pornography

Marc Maron's Rules Of Pornography

Marc is concerned that having porn so readily available can't be good for anyone.

Transcript:

CONAN: Pornography is another one of your interests.
It's in the book.
[Laughter]
Right here.
MARC MARON: But it's not -- I don't celebrate porn.
You know, I use it occasionally.
CONAN: You don't celebrate it.
MARC MARON: Unlike who?
Who's celebrating it?
CONAN: You'd be surprised.
A lot of guys watching, I do.
MARC MARON: You have to be careful not to enjoy it too much.
If you're about to watch porn and you do any portion of that, yee-haw, whoo, you're too far gone.
You should probably be working on something else.
You know, maybe you're home alone.
Perhaps writing that novel or that screen play.
And you're just sitting there and you have that moment, like, oh, God, what am I thinking?
This isn't going to work.
You porn and that's when you do it.
CONAN: So as a quick little --
MARC MARON: The only time you should watch porn is when you're falling down the pit of self and the only thing you can do to stop the fall is grab ahold of your own penis.
That's when you watch porn.
[APPLAUSE]
You want to write that down.
CONAN: It's in here.
That is written in the deepest crevasses of my brain right now.
MARC MARON: Another good time is when everyone goes the grocery store.
MARC MARON: Yeah!
[Laughter]
MARC MARON: See, that's only something a man with a family should say.
He has a family and he has to prepare differently than me.
CONAN: Right.
Right.
MARC MARON: I don't think it's a great idea to watch too much porn.
That's my point.
CONAN: There's so much of it out on the Internet.
It's not like when we were kids, I tell you.
MARC MARON: I tell you you're right.
CONAN: I tell you you're right.
MARC MARON: I think some computers come with porn on them now.
You pop open the new computer and it's oh, my God, there are people having sex.
Things have changed since Jobs died.
When I was 13, 14, if there was porn that you could get now, like then, I would never leave my room.
I would explode.
I would just have a nub.
Sorry.
My girlfriend's is in the dressing room.
You think this is making me look good?
You had to know the kid who had an older brother or the weird dad, you know what I mean?
You have to keep lookout while you rifle through a mattress or you have to find one page of a porno magazine under a bridge.
MARC MARON: My brother used to get them out of dumpsters.
They had coffee grounds and potato peels.
It was fantastic.
CONAN: That's why you're aroused by potato peels.
CONAN: Back in the depression, kids.
MARC MARON: You fine a page with your friends and you argued who got to take it home first.
And you had that moment, oh, that's how it works.
You go back to that same place to see if the rest of the magazine magically showed up.
As if there were porn trolls in the woods.
Put more fillth out for the kids.
They must learn somewhere.
Sun rises, more bridges.
 [Laughter]
MARC MARON: You have to be careful with it because there' a will the out there.
You don't want to get porn head.
CONAN: What is porn head?
MARC MARON: I can give you the long version or the short version.
CONAN: You better give me the short version because this is primarily a show for children.
MARC MARON: There's a big analogy but that would make me say more than penis and do hand motions.
CONAN: Now you're censoring yourself.
You're like a dirty mime.
You've been gesturing down south.
MARC MARON: I didn't do the thing, though.
CONAN: What thing?
Can I do it up here and get away with it?
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
CONAN: That just means you're --
MARC MARON: Yeah.
CONAN: That just means you're riding the subway.
You're riding the subway.
That's not dirty.
ANDY: Or you work on a ranch and dinner's ready.
CONAN: We've got to get to this clip.